When I first began "playing" in a BDSM scene, it was online. Issues of my hearing impairment didn't come up, because my "play" was in the form of text cyber-sex and cyber-submission. Online play was, for me, an excellent way to figure out what some of my kinks might be with the relative safety and anonymity of my PC between me and the rest of the world. When I finally moved to real life, some problems arose when I started being blindfolded.
Until I was blindfolded, I didn't realise how much I relied on visual cues to fill in the "blanks" my ears miss. I don't even think about lip-reading because its second nature. It came as quite a shock when my Dominant murmured an instruction to move in a certain way and I failed to respond because I hadn't understood at all, I had an increasingly irritated and impatient Dom on my hands and I was being punished for not hearing correctly! Many tears and a safeword later (I can't remember who stopped the scene, probably the Dom), we were discussing the implications of my hearing loss on play.
The main problem was being able to confirm what I had heard. This is overcome by repeating back everything that is said with an "I heard..." prefix, or a "..., is that right?" suffix. When I tried this tactic, another handicap was encountered: my inability to reach that elusive sub-space if I was concentrating on getting my hearing to work properly. When I fall into sub-space, I find it extremely difficult to speak, and my deciphering ability tends to drift in and out as my concentration becomes more and more internal or more and more drifty-floaty.
The solution to an inability to concentrate on getting the instructions right? The Dominant being aware of my "better" ear and always targeting his voice close to that ear if he wishes to speak softly AND remembering to enunciate words much more clearly.
The conclusion I reached? For me, it's a hard one: ALWAYS communicate with my Dominant. He has to be educated just as much as anyone else!
* Awareness,
* Information,
* Education,
* Communication
I've harped on a lot about my own disability. I hope that I've offered some useful information on how a disorder results in a measurable impairment which results in a physical disability which gives rise to handicaps in my day to day functioning. Once I was able to define my problem within these terms, I was able to identify what my handicaps were and to target services which might help me to overcome these handicaps.
Something to keep in mind: some disorders and measurable impairments do not result in a handicap. There are instances where people can function quite well in day-to-day life without the need for aids, whether they are physical, psychological or social. Communication is the key. Be open and honest about your concerns whether you are a person with the disability or the partner of a person with a disability.
Disabilities won't necessarily require special treatment, but they will require consideration of safety issues surrounding the disability.
The first few steps are simple: Be aware, Gather information, Get educated, and COMMUNICATE!
©Ryn 2002
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